


sleepless nights, wakeless days

by fauxtales



Series: Becoming Human Again [1]
Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Insomnia, M/M, Nightmares, Post-Kingdom Hearts III, implied PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-08-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:00:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25768558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fauxtales/pseuds/fauxtales
Summary: Saïx rarely slept out of necessity. Isa rarely sleeps out of fear and crippling insomnia. Lea is determined to get Isa some rest, and help him feel more along the way.
Relationships: Isa/Lea (Kingdom Hearts)
Series: Becoming Human Again [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1890835
Kudos: 64





	sleepless nights, wakeless days

_sleepless nights  
sleepless days_

_wakeless days  
wakeless nights_

__

__

_will i find rest?  
will i find balance?_

__

__

_i let the ether have me  
and find my way to the moon_

\---- 

“How long has it been since you slept?”

Isa looks up at him from his spot at the table with bags under his eyes so dark, Lea might have mistaken them for makeup. Instead he knows exactly where they came from and he sighs.

This is a question that Lea has found himself asking his friends a lot these days. Not just Isa, but Roxas and Xion as well. He’s even ended up asking Ienzo once or twice, in the short times that they have seen each other. He avoids the castle, so that’s rare enough.

He asks Isa this the most, though. As Saïx, the man rarely slept at all, his entire false life dedicated to his work. Appeasing Xemnas and attempting to get as much information out of him as possible while remaining under the radar with Xigbar around every corner wasn’t exactly easy. So Lea understands that Saïx hardly slept.

However, Isa doesn’t have to do any of that. Isa doesn’t even have to train to properly wield a Keyblade the way most of their new found family does; his main job - as Lea often reminds him - is just to recover. To get better after over a decade of allowing himself to be abused and hurting others in turn.

Then again, Lea knows just how hard it is to recover from something like that. Isa isn’t the only one struggling to sleep.

“Well?” Lea prompts gently when Isa just stares at him blankly. Lea sighs, reaching out a hand to brush a bit of hair out of Isa’s face, frown at how tense he is. Isa has always been a tense person, but Lea has known him long enough to pick out the worrying tension from the normal. “You never came to bed last night and you’ve been staring at your coffee for an hour without drinking any of it. Is something going on?”

“No. I’m fine.” Isa attempts to brush it off, as usual. It’s one of the things they’ve had to work on the most since coming back, Isa’s habit of ignoring his emotions. He spent a decade believing he didn’t have emotions, convincing himself that anything he thought he felt was false, and with the revelation that that was at least in part a lie came the realization that Isa has numbed himself to the world. Even now, with the full ability to feel again, Isa continues to shove his own feelings aside, merely out of habit. Or try to, anyway. Often, they’re too intense and get the better of him, which is what leads them to moments like this.

“Isa. No. You’re not,” Lea insists. He pulls Isa’s chair out from the table enough so that he can kneel in front of his boyfriend. Lea puts one hand on Isa’s knee, the other moving up to cup Isa’s face. “It’s okay to not be fine, remember? You’re allowed to feel bad. What you’re not allowed to do is stay up for days on end and act like nothing is going on.”

Isa stares blankly at Lea. For a moment, Lea thinks that he’s lost Isa again, that he has shoved his emotions so far down from the surface that they can’t ever get back. Then Lea sees a crack in blue-green eyes and something unknots from his chest.

“...I had a dream about him.” Isa’s voice is barely above a whisper, small and broken. Lea hates to hear him like this, but he doesn’t mention it. He just sits patiently, letting Isa speak. Lea does enough talking. “A few days ago. He found us and he took me away with him and I… all I could see was…” Isa trails off, clearly getting choked up. Lea takes his hand and gives it a small squeeze.

“Hey, hey. It’s okay,” he says. Lea can guess who “he” is easily enough, and doesn’t ask for clarification. Whether the man in Isa’s nightmares takes the form of Xemnas or Xehanort doesn’t really matter; both lead to the same ends. “You don’t need to go into detail if you don’t want to. I get it.” Lea slides his hand up into Isa’s hair, pulling him down to press a soft kiss to his forehead. “I just want you to acknowledge when something is wrong, that’s all.”

Isa gives a small nod. Lea smiles. There are tears just visible in the corners of Isa’s eyes and Lea is both glad and wishes they weren’t there. He’s glad that Isa is letting himself feel enough to express it, but he never really wants to see the man cry.

“I’m sorry. I should have just talked to you about it…” Isa takes a deep breath, wiping at his eyes with his free hand. Lea shakes his head, a small smile still on his face.

“You don’t need to apologize, but I forgive you. You put too much on yourself.” Lea scratches soothingly at Isa’s scalp, pressing their foreheads together. “I’m here. I can help. I promise.”

For a moment, they stay like that. Lea listens to the shake in Isa’s breathing as it slowly evens out, not bothering to comment on the few tears that slip past Isa’s fingers. Sometimes, they need to just let themselves breathe.

Isa will probably be doing the same for Lea in a day or two anyway.

“Hey. Why don’t you go back to bed?” Lea finally breaks the silence as he pulls back. He smiles gently at Isa and pushes to his feet. He still has Isa’s hand clasped firmly in his own, with no intentions of letting go. “You need rest.”

“It’s ten o’clock in the morning.”

“So?” Lea tugs Isa up, pulling the shorter man against him and hugging him close. “I take naps all the time! It’ll be good for you! I’ll even join you, how’s that?”

That seems to peak Isa’s interest. He sags against Lea, exhaustion clear in every line of his body. “...Okay, fine. But only for an hour or two.”

“Sure, sure.”

“And no funny business. We’re just there to rest.”

“I had no intentions of doing anything else, boss.”

Isa hesitates for a moment longer, his head resting on Lea’s shoulder. Lea wraps his arm around Isa and wonders when this became so easy. Natural. Then Isa sighs and pulls back.

“Alright. Teach me how to do this napping thing.” Isa manages a small smile. Lea feels the perpetual fire in his chest burn hotter. He beams.

“I’ll be the best napping teacher you’ve ever had!”


End file.
